The Ghost of You

When I was still a child
I thought life was a fairytale
positivity followed me
like a moth to the flame

but that flame guttered out
and the moth flew away.

The hardest part of letting you go
was the moment before
your lungs stopped breathing
and your eyes fluttered open
settling on our faces

but when you looked at me
the life behind them faded away.

For a blissful moment
your consciousness felt like hope
but in the flick of a light
it was revealed that hope
is an illusion of trickery.

I could not hear the flatline
over the tortured screams
echoing from within my heart
breaking into the air as silence,
the inability to breath
or to feel.

It was on that day
positivity became a knat
that was swat away
when near to me.

If I never fly I will never crash
if I never feel I will never hurt
but to survive without love
without life
will only leave me empty.

Positivity is nearer now
but I am afraid
oh so afraid
that perhaps I have been
the moth my entire life
chasing a flame built on tragedy.

I hope this is my happy ending.
Watch over me and please
hold my hand if it isn’t
like I tried holding onto yours
as you closed your book
and turned to the next chapter in mine.

I reread my chapters
which contain you in them
they have always been my favorite
and I miss you
oh I miss you
I want to hold your hand
like we did when I was free.

The window to my soul

I write for it brings me clarity.
What better to write about other than passion?
Of a burning fire and strong desire,
That is wrought together in the hearts of man?

My love for you is unyielding and strong.
It ignites my frozen bones with new life,
And it causes all wounds to fade away.
So of what else should I speak of?

The soft and tranquil brush of your fingers,
Cautiously caressing my fragile flesh
As softly and tenderly as if I were a new born babe.
So of what else should I ever desire?

Your eyes as deep as the caverns of time,
Offering unto me a window into my own soul.
I am consumed within and your love is my strength.
So of what shall I ever fear?

Never before have I felt such peace and assurance,
You have bestowed upon me everlasting joy.
To wake up next to you every day in the morning light...
No greater achievement could ever be more desired,
For my only wish of the future is spend each day of it with you.

Elusive concepts

Should I write with elusive concepts
Or should I simply state what is in my heart?
Do I even comprehend what it is that I feel?
And if I don't comprehend, how do I learn to understand it?
My thoughts are jarbled and frayed,
My feelings has choatic as a twisted nether.
My heart feels like it is on my sleeve,
And my dreams feel like they are spawled on the floor.
Am I frightened?
Am I hurt?
I feel like my heart is a pincusion for others,
And I feel like no one cares about me,
But is this only due to my situation,
Or is it linked to who I am?
I worry that I am unlikeable, not beautiful, inadequte, and replaceable.
I feel like I am my still doll who sits on the shelf:
Pretty to look at for a length of time,
But eventually boxed away when a better model arrives.
I am scared of being replaced.
I am scared of not being needed or valued.
I am scared of dying alone and being held in my own fragile arms.
Left to my own devices I am certain to perish.
Left in the cold I am certain to freeze.
Left alone in the corridors of my mind I am sure to wear away.
To stand alone in the midst of others,
Is a bitter and stinging pain.
I look upon the isle of defeat, anguish, and suffering which I fashioned years ago,
And then I realize that years have only been months,
And those months have hardly been twelve.
Grasping onto my own body to try and bring warmth,
But cold grasping cold can only make cold,
In the same way that darkness fighting darkness can only make darkness.
Warmth of his bones making my cold into warmth,
But how long can warmth last when the fire has gone?
When his fire leaves my icy bones it is like a candle leaving a darkend room,
The darkness quickly consumes the light and the room knows of the candle has only a memory.
Captivating and glorious is his presence to the cold,
But the warmth can't be in bondage to the cold,
The warmth does not need the cold.
Therefore I am scared that I will be of no use.
The only thing bringing me joy can quickly walk away,
And as others have grown to shun me,
How much longer can I expect perfection to stay beside me?
I am so scared.
So scared.
So scared...

What good are kisses?

What good is love if it is not for forever?
It merely becomes anguish when time is spent,
and it only leaves pain when it has left.

What good are kisses if it is not with a lover?
When the time is over they are regrets,
Which haunt memories with terrible furiosity.

So make love last forever,
And only kiss one,
Because quick romances are shallow,
But true love will bring happiness for a lifetime.